Reverend Ref +

WEDDING SERMON
JUNE 25, 2005

Weddings. What do you think of when I say that word? Celebration? New life? Music? Fancy clothes? Family? Friends? A party? Hope? All of thse things are part of weddings. In the Church, weddings, baptisms and funerals are, to borrow a phrase from an old commercial, the events that make up the fabric of our lives. But they are not the whole story; in the long run, they are but a small part of our lives.

After the ceremony, after the party, after the tuxes have been returned and the honeymoon is over, what's left? What is left is the marriage. And that is what today is all about. We are participating in the wedding of Rick and Dena, but we are celebrating their marriage. From here on out, your marriage will determine the rest of your lives together. Whether it be career choices or vacations, children or cars, everything you do will be determined by what your marriage needs or can handle. And if theload is too great, there is the possibility that the marrige will break. So you need to work on balance.

Marriage is an interesting institution. From multiple wives of the past, to political unions, to transfers of property, to a way to improve social standing, to the debates of the late '60's and '70's on whether or not marriage was even necessary, to today where the debate focuses on whether or not gays should be allowed to marry. But through it all, marriage has survived, and it will continue to survive. Have you ever wondered why that is? Is it simply for the tax benefits, or is there something more to it?

Over the past six months or so, Dena and Rick and I have been examining the role of marriage. We have talked about budgets and goals and kids and careers and desires and fears. We have talked about the role of the church in their lives, we have talked about talking. And we have talked about math, because every married peson should understand that 1 + 1 = 3. And if they can remember all, or even some, of that, then they will have a successful marriage.

Their choice of the gospel gives a good indication that they do understand how all this should work. "Abide in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love . . . I have said these things to you so that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be complete."

"Abide in my love." Rick and Dena are asking each other to do just that.

"If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love." Another word for 'commandment' is 'instruction.' Nobody knows how to live with another person; nobody knows how to be married. Part of each partner's responsibility is to instruct the other partner on what works, what doesn't, what one thinks might make things better. It's all a learning process, and it all goes back to being able to talk with each other.

"I have said these things to you so that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be complete." Rick and Dena say these things, things about budgets and goals and kids and careers and desires and fears so that the other one knows where they are coming from. They say these things so that the other person knows what causes joy, and so that one's joy can then reside in the other, thereby making these two separate people complete.

But for as much as I've talked about Dena and Rick, this service today isn't only about them. Everyone here has a stake in this marriage. A few minutes ago, I asked if you would support them in their marriage, and you all answered, "We will." You all agreed to help them; and just like Rick and Dena are making promises to each other, you are making a promise to them. For those of you who have not been married long, you can share stories of the joys and frustrations that a new marriage brings. Those who have been married for a long time can offer snippets of marital wisdom -- but politely, please. And all of you, married or single, can remind them of why they got married in the first place. A marriage can't survive in a vacuum, so be prepared to uphold your promise to support them.

So, Dena .... Rick. The wedding is here and the festivities are about to begin, but this is only a small part of your marriage. And marriage, remember, is good work to do. It will take effort. There will be good days and bad days, very good days and really bad days. When you come across one of the bad days, always remember that you are better off with each other than without. And when you have a good day, remember that those days are better celebrated together than apart.

Now .... are the two of you ready to do this?

Then let's go get you married.