Monday, August 21, 2006

JUST STUFF

Posted by Reverend Ref + at 11:36 PM

Some long-time friends are getting a divorce. I've posted on that previously.

What's to be said when someone makes up their mind? If you feel you're trapped in a marriage, do you try to hang on until the feeling goes away? Or do you tell your spouse, "I'm not sure I want to be here anymore?"

Maybe by uttering those words, one person feels like they're already admitting defeat; whereas if they don't say anything and try to hang on, there's hope.

But if that's the case, by hanging on, you've already accepted defeat in your mind and instead of dealing with it you are simply . . . postponing.

Unfortunately there are no easy answers. If I had those, I'd be a better man than I am now.

2 comments:

Jim | 10:03 AM, August 23, 2006  

You have clearly identified one of the problems of the ages.

One of the strategic ways to combat it is to raise up our children to understand the finality of the commitment made in marriage, and to live that commitment, realizing that there are always going to be times of "incompatibility" and orthogonal purpose in humans' lives.

I wish that I could say that the Episcopal priest who counseled my wife and me 39+ years ago had made similar comments, but he was more concerned that I was going to be a Naval Aviator. Go figure.

Thankfully, I have been spared the call to full pastoral ministry; if I were to counsel a couple anticipating marriage, preparing them for the inevitability of conflict, and grinding their noses in it, would be at the top of my list.

It's been worth it to outlast the differences!

Reverend Ref + | 9:23 AM, August 24, 2006  

One of the things I've heard is that "divorce is contagious." I've always wondered about that.

Now having two close friends going through it, I'm beginning to understand that statement.

I'm not sure what my track record will be in the pre-marriage counseling bit, but I do try to focus on stuff that my wife and I didn't get; and I hope that helps.

Post a Comment

First time comments will be moderated.

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)