Last week we heard Jesus lay out specific steps in a forgiveness process. This week the forgiveness discussion continues when Peter asks, “If another member of the Church sins against me, how often should I forgive? Seven times?”
Jesus responds, “Not seven times, but seventy-seven times.”
I need to point out that some translations render this as, “If my BROTHER sins against me . . .” which puts a more personal spin on this. I'm sure that Peter was the older brother and was asking Jesus how many times he needed to forgive Andrew when he was being a jerk. Other translations, like the one we heard today, replace brother with “member of the Church,” thereby focusing on how we live in community with each other.
But whether we're dealing with a family member, a member of our congregation, a friend, a coworker, or an acquaintance, we're still dealing with sin and forgiveness. Three of our four readings today deal with this topic.
The reading from Genesis is the climactic ending to the story of Joseph and his brothers. Spared from death by Reuben at the hands of his brothers, Joseph gets sold into slavery. In his new life, he eventually rises to become the second most powerful man in Egypt. Because of a famine, the brothers go looking for food, encounter their long-lost brother, and are terrified that he's going to take revenge on them. But Joseph is able to forgive them and save them from the famine.
Psalm 103 is a psalm of praise to the Lord for the power of forgiveness, and it recognizes that God is fundamentally forgiving.
And today's gospel gives us one of the best known parables about forgiveness.
Forgiveness is a major part of today's readings. Forgiveness is a major part of our faith. And, because there are no coincidences, it's no accident that we get these readings during the time of 9/11.
With that in mind, there are two aspects about forgiveness that I want to address. The first is a story Mtr. Ann told at last week's Wednesday Night BBQ. She said it came from a Methodist pastor and it goes something like this (with a few modifications by me):
A priest noticed a parishioner seemed to be troubled and was walking slowly as if she was carrying a heavy burden. “What's the matter?” the priest asked.
"A friend has hurt me deeply,” she said.
The priest said, “Did your friend hurt you this much?” and picked up a large rock.
“No,” she said. Then she picked up a much larger rock and said, “This much.”
“Carry that large rock and try to walk with graceful steps and poise,” said the priest.
She tried to walk with the large rock, but staggered and struggled.
The priest said, “At first your friend hurt you, but now it is the stone that is hurting you. The stone is your judgment of how much your friend hurt you. Now put down the rock. That is forgiveness – putting down the burden. You are still hurt, but you no longer carry the burden with you.”
She put the stone down and said, “I understand – if I forgive my friend for hurting me, then I will have set the rock down and will be free.”
“Not yet,” said the priest. “You will not be truly free until you have set it down seventy-seven times and no longer wish to pick it up.”
Sometimes we want to pick up the stone of hurt even after we have forgiven someone because it reminds us of how we were treated and it gives us permission to live with that hurt. It may be that it's only after seventy-seven times of forgiving that we no longer dwell on how we were injured.
The second is a recognition that forcing the injured to forgive without requiring accountability, reparation, restitution, or a change of behavior by the perpetrator can lead to continued oppression. If we require a person who has been harmed to “forgive and forget,” or “forgive and move on” while allowing perpetrators to retain wealth, status, power, positions of authority, etc., it is no longer forgiveness. It becomes a demand on the vulnerable to comfort the perpetrator. Think of any number of church scandals where clergy or other leaders kept their positions while those they harmed were forced to remain in their presence or leave the church.
Forced forgiveness from the injured without accountability by the sinner is just another form of abuse. Confession without repentance, without a change in behavior, is just a series of empty words.
When we forgive, it must be of our own free will and not forced upon us. When we forgive, it is for our own mental and spiritual well-being, recognizing that we can't continue to carry that hurt, that rock, around. And if we are the ones who threw the rock, who sinned against another, we need to be willing to confess our sin with a willingness to repent – change our behavior, and make atonement and reparations if necessary.
Confession, repentance, and forgiveness don't always go hand in hand. Sometimes we confess our wrongdoing without ever receiving forgiveness. Sometimes we forgive another without them ever changing. But when confession and repentance work together, it's a beautiful thing.
Regardless of the other person, are there stones in your life that you need to put down?
Amen.