SERMON, PROPER 16B, EPHESIANS 5:21-33

This is proably one of the most, if not the most, difficult passages of all the Pauline epistles. In our patriarchal society and history, it has been the basis for guilt, abuse, bad counseling, and maybe even as a reason to leave the church. Some people read selectively and hold tight to the verses that can be used to maintain their power. Other people read selectively and refuse to even acknowledge and engage this passage.

But we can't do either. As with the rest of the Bible, we have to take the good with the bad. We have to look at the big picture, follow the context of the passage, and we have to read, mark and inwardly digest what it has to say. Because in addition to a psalm that says, "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want," we have one that says, "Happy are they who take your little ones and dash them against the rock!" (137:9)

This section of Ephesians begins by saying, "Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ." This is where it starts, be subject to each other. As I understand it, this means that we listen to each other, talk with each other, work with each other; it's another way of saying, "Love your neighbor as yourself." Everything that follows flows from this thought.

"Wives, be subject to your husbands." If this is all you are hearing, then you've got it wrong. We submit to each other because Christ submitted first. Christ subjected his human will to that of God; and because we follow him, because we revere him, we also should be willing to submit, or subject, our own will.

Everything is done in relationship; from that of the Trinity all the way down to children in daycare. Relationships are a fact of life. There has to be a give and take, however. No one person can be in charge of everything all the time, because that becomes a dictatorship and is open to all kinds of abuse.

Paul had to start somewhere, and he started with the wife. He isn't saying this as a socially-binding contract, something that MUST be done. What he's saying is that this subjection, or submission, is done on the basis of loving free will. We love because God first loved. We submit because Christ submitted.

A woman isn't subject to a man because she's "lesser than," or has been bought or traded for. She becomes subject to a man because, in God, there is no male or female, no Jew or Greek. In God we are all equal and free. And there's a big difference between submitting because you are forced to, and submitting because you choose to.

After addressing the wives, Paul turns his attention to the husbands. As a reminder to both men and women, don't stop reading at verse 24. A good metaphor here might be in dealing with two of your kids who are in trouble. To one, usually the younger, you give punishment 'X'. And before the older one can get too smug and think he or she is somehow more special, you give them a greater punishment. Granted, we aren't talking about punishments here, but it's the only example I could think of off hand.

So to the wives, Paul says, "Be subject to your husbands, just as the church is subject to Christ."

But to the husbands he says, "Love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." In other words, men, you need to be willing to die for your wife. You are not allowed to be the head of the house and lord it over the woman as if she were a serf in some feudal property system. Husbands need to love her, cleanse her, help make her holy, and to love her as you love yourself. You may have the position of head of household, but remember this: to those whom much is given, much is required. You cannot read and mandate the three verses about wives while ignoring the six about husbands.

If you read this passage and use it to label Paul as a misogynist, or to sanction abuse, or to view the church as oppressive, you are wrong. This passage, taken in context, once again makes the claim for total unity in Christ. On its own, parts of this passage are definitely problematic. But that is why we read the scriptures in their entirety and in community; and why it is so dangerous to proof-text.

Be united. Submit to each other. And above all, love each other as you love yourself.