Tonight, tonight I'm thinking over everything you said to me

Today's title comes from "So Serious," by E.L.O.

Somewhere in the neighborhood of 14 years ago Mrs. Ref and I began attending birth classes in preparation for the arrival of The Kid. I was not, to put it mildly, a very good "pregnant father." Between almost running away and a not-so-subtle annoyance at having to attend these things, I was not excited about this whole proposition.

But that's not the point of this post. The point of this post is that, while at those classes, we met (as I called them) "a normal-looking couple." We got to talking, began sitting next to each other, had a few dinners together, and basically began the process of developing a friendship.

Our Kid was born about 1-1/2 weeks ahead of theirs. Over the years, we shared birthdays, trips to the beach, nights out, and it got to the point where it was just easier for me to tell complete strangers that they were paternal twins. The two kids also began seeing themselves as brother and sister.

And then, six years ago (almost to the day as a matter of fact), we packed our bags and moved to Chicago for our little seminary adventure. There were loads of tears, and lots of nights trying to explain to both kids why we had to leave.

Our yearly vacation to Cannon Beach was over. Common birthday parties were over. New recipes that were tried only on us because we were "family" ended. And the hope was that we would, someday, be able to resume at least the vacation aspect of our relationship when we returned, hopefully, out west after seminary.

We had an ocassion to be in Spokane in May, so of course we called them and arranged lunch. Their Kid has gotten to be a gangly teenage boy. But still, the kids picked up without a hitch and filled each other in on the last few years. The parents did the same. It was nice to reconnect.

So when we made a trip to Spokane this past week, we called them to get together and crash at their house. We found out then that she filed for divorce. And he found out a few days before we did.

She is apparently not willing to work it out and has made up her mind. He's a wreck. And we are .... sort of drifting.

No more family trips to the beach. She seems to think that we can all carry on like we used to. I don't think so. And while I'm not taking sides in this, I find myself in the same place as him: No warnings? No willingness to work? Why the need for a unilateral first-strike? This really is the disruption of our family, and it hurts.

Tonight, tonight I'm thinking over everything you said ....