Reverend Ref +

LIGHT DAY

Had a light day at field ed. The rector and I did a little "play church" and we talked about stuff in general. My big issue right now is church politics and the wife.

Mrs. Ref is having some serious issues with a program that she is heavily involved in. So, naturally, she vented about it to me. She had requested a meeting with person A to go over these issues, but person A never contacted her to set that meeting up. At church last week I approached A and said, "I think you really need to talk with Mrs. Ref today, and make sure you have your calendar."

At home, Mrs. Ref said, "You didn't need to tell A to come see me." That led to a bigger discussion about our future together and her feelings that she couldn't talk to me if there was a problem in the church without me feeling like I needed to get in the middle of it and fix it.

Okay, first, I wasn't "fixing" the problem. I was making sure that Mrs. Ref and A connected so that 1) they could work on the problem together, and 2) I wouldn't have to keep hearing about how A doesn't care about meeting with me (Mrs. Ref).

And second, how are we going to deal with this issue once I'm in a parish? That was my question to my supervisor today.

Answer: Yeah, that's a tough one. The way he and his wife deal with it is that she will NOT be involved as a leader of any committee or program that the church offers. She is content to participate on a much lower level so that she doesn't get involved (or rarely gets involved) in just this type of situation. So, maybe it's back to the choir and altar guild for Mrs. Ref. Might not be a bad idea.

The other thing he mentioned was that it's helpful to try and find another clergy couple to develop a friendship with so that I don't have to become her priest. Also a good idea.

My seminarian group meets tomorrow. I think I'll bring this issue up there, and then again at our big group next week. I'd be interested in hearing how other clergy have dealt with this issue.

Then I left for lunch and a commencement meeting at SWTS.

Time spent at the office: 2 hours.

Peace