Thursday, April 04, 2013

Things that drive you nuts

I wear glasses because my close-range vision needs help and my ability to read fine print is more akin to a Rorshach test than reading.  My mid-range, long distance and large print vision is fine.  Because of that, I don't wear the glasses all the time, but take them on and off as needed since they disturb the distance vision as much as help the near-vision.

During Eucharist I will wear them up to the gospel reading, take them off for the gospel (big print) and the sermon, put them back on for the Creed and Prayers of the People, off again for the Peace and Communion (again, big print), and back on for the closing hymn.

At the Wednesday Eucharist, I will wear them through the gospel reading (read from a regular bible, so small print), then lay them on my BCP when I move up to the altar for Communion.

Yesterday I had them for Eucharist, went to lunch, and when I came back to the office, they were nowhere to be found.  I was sure I took them from the chapel into my office because I always set them on my BCP so everything stays together.  I looked all around the office, because I do set them down in various places.  Nope.  I looked all around the sacristy, thinking maybe I left them in there.  Nope.  I looked all through the chapel.  Nope.  They weren't in the secretary's office, nor did my altar guild person accidentally take them home.  Maybe I took them home during lunch.  Nope.

I looked and looked until my lookers were worn out.

No glasses made Morning Prayer interesting today, but luckily the service is familiar enough that, except for the Psalm, I've pretty much memorized the answers to that particular Rorshach test.

HOWEVER . . . while I was sitting there at Morning Prayer, I remember an incident from a month or two ago.  One of my parishioners brings an elderly lady who is suffering from dementia and the two of them always sit up front.  At that service she reached over the pew because she thought my glasses were hers.  Uh-huh.

So I called my parishioner at 8 a.m. this morning and said, "Hey . . . I seem to have misplaced my glasses and I remem . . ."

"I know exactly where they are.  She had a pair of glasses after service, but I thought they were her cheap pair of reading glasses.  I'll work on getting them back for you.  But the problem is that she tends to hide things."

So my parishioner is working on returning my glasses.

I can be a little scatter-brained at times, but I certainly don't need help; and I especially don't need the help from a lady who steals things because she thinks they're hers and then hides them so nobody can steal them from her.

***And now my specs have been recovered and returned, so all is well.


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