We
seem to be hearing a lot about marriage lately.
Whether it’s from Christians who support the Defense of Marriage Act
(DOMA), which is pushing for a constitutional amendment to define marriage as
between one man and one woman, or whether it’s from Christians who support
marriage equality and want to allow for same-gender marriages, marriage, and
its definition, is big business. We need
to remember that marriage is an institution with a long, interesting and varied
history.
Those
in favor of DOMA claim that they want to uphold biblical marriage. I won’t get into issues of church/state that
are implicit in that argument, but I do want to talk about the idea of biblical
marriage. In case you weren’t aware,
here are eight parameters of biblical marriage:
1. One man, multiple wives (most everywhere in the OT)
2. A widow, no son, married to her brother-in-law
attempting to create male offspring that would be an heir to the dead husband
(Gen. 38:6-10, Ruth, Matt. 22:23-33)
3. One man, one woman . . . and her
property/slaves (Gen. 16:1-6, 30:4-5)
4. One man, one wife or multiple wives, and
unlimited concubines (see David and Solomon for starters)
5. Male soldier and female POW’s (Deut.
21:11-14)
6. Male rapist and the female victim (Deut.
22:28-29)
7. Male and female slaves
8. One man, one woman (and usually within approved
ethnicities)
As
part of that list, we could also add Abraham’s incestuous marriage to his
half-sister Sarah (Gen. 20:8-12). And in
today’s gospel, Jesus explicitly forbids divorce, while over in Matthew he
allows for it. The case for “biblical marriage”
is far from consistent.
As
much as some of us want it to be, marriage does not have its roots in Christian
tradition. Marriages were arranged to
seal peace treaties; they were an exchange of property from one man (the dad)
to another man (the husband); and they were entered into for the continuation
of family lines. Marriage was most often
a social contract with guidelines set by the government of the time. And in the year 110, as Christianity was
beginning to take shape, Ignatius of Antioch wrote to Polycarp saying that
marriage should be conformed to church approval and according to God’s will.
So
what is the purpose of marriage? It
depends on who you ask. It can be to
control property rights. It can be to
ensure lines of inheritance. It can be
to control and legitimize sexual activity.
It can be to aid in healthcare and end of life decisions. It can be for procreation.
Looking
at the BCP, marriage is intended by God for mutual joy, help and comfort in
prosperity and adversity and, when it is God’s will, for the procreation and
nurture of children.
In
this current debate over marriage, we have one group of people who want to
limit who can get married. This is based
on their interpretation of biblical marriage (usually ignoring most of what the
Bible says about marriage) as well as that last issue – procreation. The claim is a same-gender couple can’t get
married because of their inability to have children in the usual way. But if procreation is the sole determining
factor on who can or can’t get married, why do we allow infertile couples, or
couples past child-bearing age to marry?
And
on the other side of the debate, we have another group of people who want to
enter into a marriage covenant with the person of their choice. They want to take seriously the vows to love
and cherish, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in
health, forsaking all others and remaining faithful.
At
our last General Convention, the Episcopal Church approved rites for the
blessings of same-gender relationships.
The use of those rites, however, is predicated on the approval of the
diocesan bishop. If a bishop says he or
she will not approve the use of those rites, then the clergy of that diocese
may not perform them. If a bishop grants
approval, then it is up to the priest as to whether or not they will be
used. And in some cases, the priest
defers to the vestry.
Regardless
of where you stand on this issue, marriage is a big deal. It is, as the Prayer Book says, not to be
entered into lightly, but reverently and deliberately. Marriage is also hard work.
As
we move forward, I would ask that you do the hard theological work of defining
what marriage is and why you think or believe the way you do. Because regardless of what side you are on,
if we don’t do that hard theological work, and if we don’t do it reverently and
deliberately, we will end up shouting partisan slogans at each other.
And
shouting partisan slogans neither respects the dignity of the other individual,
nor does it exhibit the love of God or neighbor.
What
is your position on marriage? Why do you
believe that way? And what theological
work have you done to reach that decision? Those are questions we must ask ourselves as
we deliberately and reverently debate and define the issue of marriage.
Amen.
Posts
1 comments:
First of all, I think everyone is entitled to equal protection under the law. (Read that someplace, and it sounded good.) Second, being a homosexual is not a choice; it is a predetermined imperative, like being left-handed. You can try to change, but it doesn't work.
In ancient Rome - and to a certain extent, Greece - it was believed that true friendship could only exist between equals, and since men and women were not considered equal, friendship was "impossible". Sex between men and women was necessary, but a bit like picking your nose; even though it had to be done, it wasn't discussed in public. Homosexual relationships were the norm, and St. Paul's teaching that husbands and wives should turn to each other bordered on the outrageous.
Many part of the Bible were written before we had any sort of scientific knowledge, and the complex forces in the womb were totally beyond comprehension. Most people today know - or should know - that being homosexual isn't a choice and should not condemn one to a life of loneliness.
A civil union is a step in the right direction, but for people of a religious background, a church service is a comfort and a sign of the dignity we are to show every human being.
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